Hello there

Howdy folks!.......how've you been. All you die hard fans of mine I know you would've missed me. Well actually....Splotch...Splotch...plunk...plunk...whoa...whoa...whoa......


****Shielding rotten tomatoes and stones from a couple of curious, unfortunate souls who stumbled upon this junkyard(even that is an overstatement) from a blessed one's blog!****

Phew.......that was tough!

Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie
Which we ascribe to heaven.

Says William Shakespeare. Well in spite of the fact that the only thing that comes to my mind when you talk about him is this tamil joke(to be pronounced 'mokkai') relating to Hamlet and Omlet(I think my south indian readers will be able to appreciate this better....*Splotch*), I am going to take it serously and not give up so easily. I am going to strive hard to load this space with more and more crap.

*** Hey hey I see the finger. Dude it's the wrong one. It's the thumb that's gotta come up now***


Oh yeah I know what those red eyed angry looks mean. "You says this everytime. You're so not going to do it." No. This time I am not just saying it. It's coming form the heart. I solemnly pledge to constantly fill this cursed space with more filth, more carp and as I would like to call it more and more drivel.

*splotching begins*

Guess I gotta run. Okie then readers...hang in there and I'll catch ya all soon.

*splotch....splotch....splotch*

Dodged That !

Top 10 embarrassments that can happen to a person

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10. Falling asleep with mouth wide open during a team meeting.....Believe me this does happen!

9. Starting your 'Right after lunch' status meeting speech with a loud and uncontrollable 'Burrrrrp'.

8. Come late to a Saturday night booze pary with friends, drink everything that’s on the table and start feigning 'Inebriation' and only later realize that what you have drunk till now is nothing but just pristine Pepsi.

7. After an hour long presentation to the whole team on future plans, the audience makes you realize that the first in the list should be "Check your Fly before you stand up in front of crowd".

6. Getting caught in a meeting day dreaming and busy exibiting your unique idiosyncrasy -
nose digging or head scratching or forming patterns with the nails you've freshly bitten off your fingers.

5. Your Manager (who's a lady) stops by yor seat when you're busy reading' Kamasutra_Complete_reference.pdf'

4. Standing in a crowd with a stretched hand making a futile attempt to offer it to a visitor
while the intended recipient is complete oblivious to this.

3. Ogling big time at a girl and awarding her the much acclaimed 'soop figure' title only to realize that she's your friend’s(who's there right in the same gang) older sister.

2. Getting a curt "Sorry...there's just a few and nobody has taken yet" response from this guy in your floor (whom u've never met before)when you are approaching him for the second time as a response to his "chocolates from US at my desk" e-mail

1. You get caught sharing an "Unlimited Meals" in an Andhra restaurant.

*Too Lazy to start the blog with the usual formalities - after what seems like eternity...yada yada yada...

**All events described here have no connection to any person living or dead.......which includes me.

***The below events are listed randomly and in no particular order.

****The above points have been written in this manner with asterisk just for sake of build up and no other valid reason.

Been a while...

Just thought I would drop by and dust off the cobwebs that have settled in here!

Well...I did try my best to fight the lazy lout out of me but in the process, I realized that it's a lot of work. So I figured an easier way out - make friends with him and let him take control hehe!

Okie..for the sake of protocol, life is dull as ditchwater and work SUCKS big time like
never before. But then...I care two hoots about all that coz I am gonna parrrrrty tonight! yuhooooooooooo!!

God save A,S and R!!

Cheerio mates!

Mr. V

Blogging about something that happened last weekend is kind of odd but then this is not meant to concentrate on what happened but to introduce you all to a personality whom I would henceforth refer to as Mr. V. So here we go...


I didn't know what exactly to tell KV when he first asked me for this favour. But I knew one thing for sure. I didn't want to do it. Spending a Saturday helping someone move was the last thing I had in mind. But due to persistent pressures from J, I finally did decide in KV's favour.


I was shaken awake early in the morning at 11 by the blaring ring of my phone. It was my wake call from KV. Hastily dressing up, I rushed all set to render my helping hand. In the car with KV, was our hero, the focus of this story, Mr V. With sky high spirits and beaming enthusiasm our hero was frantically waving his hands with a super zealous "yaar...C'mon C'mon" as if I were to be boarding a cruise ship for a month long holiday. Dude...Grow up.


After a kind of sumptuous brunch at McD we were all set for the hard day. We were on our way to the UHaul store to pick up the truck when our guy started off. It looked like after an exceptionally long time our guy had seen an "angrezi" movie. "Arey yaaaaar...Jack Nicholson rocks", "yaaaaar he's the best actor I've ever seen", "His booming voice, his dialogue delivery, yada yada yada...". Even the soul who christened him wouldn't have hailed him this many times. This was followed by quotes of a few dialogues from the movie in the worst possible English and worser accent. If Jack Nicholson were to hear this guy mimic him, he would've committed suicide instantaneously in the most gruesome manner.


After a small delay at the UHaul store, we picked up our truck. Our big guy if you don't know, was born in New York, raised in California and educated in London. So sitting at the back of a truck is a never-heard-of thing for him. An Undoable task. "Arey yaar...How do people sit here?", "Arey yaar...Its so garam here. Zara A/C laga Dey". I bet on my balls..This guy wouldn't have seen a car till his twenties. @##$%&*@$%^!


The real drama happened at the moving scene. Doing an exemplary job hauling such ponderous items as laundry bags, push man suitcases and boxes which I swear wouldn't have weighed more than 5 Kilos, our guy ensured that the very purpose for which he was summoned there was solved beyond expectations. All this with such ease and dexterity that even Arnold Schwarzenegger would've been put to shame. And yes the diligence with which he executed the arduous task of opening the truck doors whenever we got something really heavy, is worth a mention here. And how can I forget his brilliant ideas at lifting heavy stuff and his "yaar..Its not that heavy..You can do it..C'mon" cheers without which nothing would've been possible that day. Dude...You are just Grrrrrrrr...


Our guy was really tired after this exacting backbreaking workout in the hot sun. So he gulped down an entire 350 Oz pack of Apple juice leaving us just water to drink !!


Other events worth a mention are his persistent cry for "Haldiram namkeen"(the hard work had made him hungry too), "I wanna go home soon..My wife will be all alone" wails and "Sachin tendulkar need not play. It is enough if he is just present in the field" wisecracks. I don't want to harp on all this because I am already feeling my blood pressure shoot up !!


I really wish I could beat the freaking shit out of him! After all this I am sure KV wouldn't ever commit the blunder of calling Mr. V for any help in the future.

The egoist !

Thanks to Jan here...I unleash myself !


I am thinking about...
hitting the gym from next week

I said...
last week that I'll do the above from this week

I wish...
I could bunk work tomorrow and get sloshed on Budweiser

I miss...
those rocking hyd days

I hear...
irritating noises of pop-up messages on my roomie's comp

I wonder...
if I can ever get rid of my back pain

I regret...
flunking miserably at high school

I am...
without the slightest qualms, the laziest person I've ever known or heard of

I dance...
horribly

I sing...
not as horribly as I dance

I cry...
when I see my poonal photos where I am as thin as thin can be

I am not always...
irritable but I get really pissed off when somebody(with very little exceptions;-)) wakes me up with loud music or TV or open windows

I write...
huh?

I confuse...
others when they ask me to take decisions for them

I need...
to control my temper when I hear those grumpy good mornings from Mr. V(More on this personality coming up)

I should try...
to get my driver's license before my roomie kicks my ass out of his car

I finish...
a big fat burger two hours after a supposed heavy lunch(C'mon dude it's two full hours!)

I tag...
Sekar

Rambles...

A folly committed back in time
Makes me fret,whine and pine.
Of no use are all these tears
For they do the heart nothing but pierce.

Those bitter shreds of truth
Are doing everything but soothe
The heart that badly bleeds
But in vain, it's never to get what it needs.

A million hopes brick by brick built
And all that is left is guilt,guilt and sheer guilt.

Only to find that...

The match was called off yesterday...grrr! But you know what...fighters never say die!!

Blistering Barnacles!

Nothing can be more disheartening than falling low in your own eyes. Trust me. Absolutely nothing. I had this tormenting experience yesterday and the result - Blistering Barnacles!

Yesterday, after four long months I decided to kick out the lazy b*@#$%& in me and hit the cricket field. Only to realize, not once in the past 25 years had I felt so very unfit for the game. I felt the entire cricketing community yelling at me asking me to quit.

It all started when after a couple of warm ups I started the match with my spell. To say I put my entire country to shame would be to say the least. I bowled three consecutive wide balls without a minuscule realization that it was the first over of the match. Way to go. Isn't it? Fuming and cursing myself, I bowled the next ball only to slip and sprain my ankle. I gave up and turned to try my luck at the field.

To mention my miserable botch ups at fielding would be tantamount to inviting all you folks to spew third degree expletives over this piece of crib.

My attempts with the bat are needless to mention. Never in my life had I faced difficulties facing pace bowlers. Good old R used to be one. In fact, a good one. I know I used to have it in me to manage him and I did do my bit at woodrich (a resort in Bangalore) to salvage my team then. And here...I was hitting the dust and sweeping the ground at this supposed fast bowling attempt by this stupid greybeard (His action sucks!). His kids would have done a better job managing him.

If I were to be doing all this back home with my gang, to say I would've been beaten black and blue with the very 'balla' would be an understatement. All I could do then was to thank my stars that A and R weren’t present there to see me flounder with due diligence !

After all this, the only thing that is giving me hopes to venture into the field again today is the fact the I won my team yesterday in the last match with a modest 30 off the last over.

Here I go all set to keep the fire burning...

Note to Self: Never let the Lazy B!@#$%& even surface out again!!